Saturday, May 5, 2012

A+ Life Because of an A-

Breathe a sigh of relief....

I have successfully completed my second year at college. So glad to have a break for a while. It is excited for me to watch as I grow into a stronger person through every semester at school. It's funny. When I was in my late teens and even into this past year of being twenty, I figured that I was about the person I was going to be. I was wrong. Since January, I have been amazed by how much God has honed me, changed my dreams, even shifting major tenets of my personality.

I have always been a very introverted person, content in my own world of words and characters, and I didn't really feel the need for people. That has changed so much. God has used these past few months of 2012 to give me more of a drive to experience life and not just write about it. I want to be in the world, meeting people, engaging with beings who bear my Lord's image, and while I still want to write about it, I also am way more motivated to do something with that writing.

One big leap for me this semester has been a shift in how I value myself. I've always been basically a straight A student. Even in college, I had a strong 4.0 GPA and for a while, that was one way that I considered myself of value. I was proud of that perfect score and it became an idol. Last year, I pushed myself so hard and stressed so much that there were times I couldn't sleep and was constantly getting headaches. I ended up finishing the semester with that 4.0 but was so mentally frazzled that I was barely functioning for the first two weeks of break. All I did was sleep basically and had little energy to do much else.

An amazing contrast to this year. I had two very difficult classes this semester but instead of freaking out, I kept putting them on the Lord. I prayed a lot and committed myself to not worry about the 4.0. If it stayed, great. If not, I was still loved just as much. I did not get that 4.0. I got an A- in one class and I was okay with that. There are still moments where my perfectionism pops it head up, but I just keep giving it to the Lord. Because of that, the day after exams were done, I was working around the house and helping my mom with some chores that I hadn't had time to do during school. I was busy, active, and felt awesome. By letting go of my idol, I ended up happier and more satisfied with my life then if I'd clung to it. When I trusted in God with my future, I had more energy left to serve Him and enjoy time with my family.

And guess what? I wouldn't exchange it for perfect grade for anything in the world. The A- taught me about trust. It's the best grade I've ever gotten!