Thursday, March 22, 2012

Watching the Movie of Me

Who I am going to be?

Sometimes I feel like I'm watching myself, unsure of what I'm doing. Where am I going? What am I going to do/be/be like? Will I recognize the thirty year old/forty year old/fifty year old me?

How do I combine my passions: words and language and art with my family and faith? What in the world am I doing? Do I even know?

God, I'm so glad I'm not doing this without You. I'd be so very lost. I still feel lost but not completely. You have the answers even if I don't. You know what You are doing...and that is enough for me. The other answers will come when they are ready. I can afford to watch myself in uncertainty a little. He's watching me without any doubts at all.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

New Focus

It is so easy to live for ourselves. As humans, we think in terms of 'I'. I want to sleep. I want my free time. I want to buy me stuff with my money. But God is asking for so much more than that.

What if we actually started living for Jesus? That's hard to even think about. But seriously? What if we stopped thinking in terms on 'I' and started thinking in terms of 'Him'? What if everything we did revolved around pleasing and obeying a God who decidedly to love us for no reason other than He wanted to?

Do we realize how much of Him He has chosen to focus on us? We are chosen by God. Not a genii, not a nice grandfather, not a Clockmaker in the Sky. A God who is powerful, knows everything we've ever done, said or though, and active in the world. A God who hates sin, who is perfectly holy and pure, who is called the Consuming Fire, the Morning Star, the Lion of Judah, the Judge of the World. But also called The Good Shepherd, the Prince of Peace, and the Saviour of the World. That God, that same one, loves you.

Will we give Him leftovers of our time, the end scraps of every day?

Will you dare to give Him everything and watch the amazing ride He takes you on?

Thursday, March 8, 2012

His Beloved Failure


Why is it so hard to.... (fill in the blank) eat healthy, exercise regularly, keep my thoughts pure. I know from being taught and from personal experience that sin doesn't pay off. It feels great for a second and then, I feel depressed and yucky because I failed...again. Staying healthy is the same thing. I feel so much cleaner, stronger, better in everything when I eat right and exercise and yet, so often I take the extra cookie or two or three anyway.

How come we always feel sorriest after we've sinned? I'm often discouraged by how I think about or care about the consequences of my actions beforehand. I'm sorry after. How come I can't pull that forward and prevent the yuckiness?

But, totally amazing, there's one thing stronger then my depressed blah feel. Christ's love. He knows EXACTLY how many times in my life I will look at sin and pick it anyway even though I know it won't pay off. He knows every time I don't take care of my body like I should. He knows all of it and He still looked at me from the beginning of time and said: 'I want her to be Mine.' That makes me want to never sin again. God picked me! God loves me! And I repay Him with disobedience and half hearted affection. What a miserable Christian I am, but oh what an unbelievably gracious God He is!!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Me = Decrease

So stinking nervous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had a interview yesterday for a job at the Writing Center here at school. I want this job SOOOO badly! Its right on campus, so super convenient, and its all about writing! Its like the dream job for a writer!!!

I hear back today if I got it and my stomach literally feels twisted in knots. This is such a huge deal for me, its hard to trust God with it! The walk from art class to a computer (basically across campus) was the longest of my life until I could check my email for the millionth time. It has been a long day...

But when I really get tensed up, that's when I start telling myself to trust. This job would be amazing, but there are so many bigger things in my life. If God can handle my entire life plan, I think He's got my interview. That doesn't guarantee He'll work it all out the way I want but whether I get this job or not, it will be HIS will. If I do, then I can get to know my fellow mentors and other students to the glory of God. If I don't, I can have a joyful attitude and start looking for another job to the glory of God!

I think John the Baptist said it best when confronted with the fact that his followers were leaving to go follow Jesus instead: "He must increase but I must decrease."